ADHD, Autism, Neurodivergence, even NeuroSpicy just like mental health conditions WRONGLY all have some long-held societal stigmas attached.

As you've probably noticed by now; I'm not in the business of 'fixing' your brain or tying to make you 'neuro-normal or neurotypical'. I am on a mission to reduce stigmas, improve self-image, and find language that is accessible to all of us adult Au/DHD-ers trying to understand ourselves in this light.

I'll try to find a quote regarding zebras but in my mind, basically; 'Why try to be like those standard horses filling the paddock next door when you were born to be a Neurosparkly Dancing Unicorn full of glitter, light, and an energy that is not only infectious but unmatched by anything grazing nearby?'.
A zebra shouldn't spend its life wishing its gorgeous stripes away. And neither should we.

I use Neurosparkly Unicorn to address the issues with using Neurodivergence (ND) - namely the suggestion that neurotypical is the 'normal, acceptable' neurotype and anything else is deviant and therefore 'lesser'.  

It's All Just a Social Media Thing... (The Telescope Analogy)
You may or may not be aware that there has been an increase in the rates of people diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and AuDHD (which is a combination of both). ​

The increased rate of diagnosis and those seeking assessment is partly due to all the adults; women, and parents for the most part, who have realised that their post-partum, and parenting struggles are more than the usual 'oh yes, parenting is hard-work' experience of the people around them. 
There are tangible occupational, and hormonal factors that influence how our brains work. In someone with undiagnosed Au/DHD unfortunately it all crashes together and makes our day to day so much harder than it needs to be.

Young girls and those assigned female at birth were historically not being diagnosed with a different neurotype, so now we are seeing adults who have realised, sometimes through social media, trusted conversations with friends, or info sessions that this might apply to them - And might actually provide some much needed information, validation, and knowledge to make the world feel better moving forward. 

No 'everyone ISN'T a little bit Autistic' and no 'we don't all have ADHD'. The truth is that as humans we can exhibit similar traits here and there, but for ADHD and AuDHD it's about the persistence, reoccurrence, and impact of these 'traits'. 
Yes, everyone will probably misplace their keys or phone at some point. Most likely they'll find them again in a moment of inspiration, and if not they'll jump through the annoying hoops to sort it all out. 

Someone with ADHD and no strategies to avoid this in place is likely to truly lose important things, often, and without help might find the hoops needed too hard to jump through and end up worse and worse off until it's an emergency that can't be ignored anymore. In the meantime, leaving the house unlocked and relying on internet messaging and calls means you've missed out on a phone call to an interview you really wanted, and your house has been burgled... And you forgot to renew your house insurance policy... I can go miles with this analogy. 

It's all these little things that may have fed an 'I'm not good enough' voice in your head throughout your life but you don't have a fair frame of reference. Yet.

For the less dramatic but day to day stressors, undiagnosed Au/DHD can be the feeling of worthlessness when you sit down with your 'new mum' friends and realise you've forgotten the snacks / nappies / wipes again. It can be looking at your peers thinking they have it all together with their 'nap in the cot' babies and toddlers, while you're struggling to get anything done whilst (safely) co-sleeping every night and contact napping during the day with a babe that can't seem to settle on their own.
 - All babes learn to self-regulate through experiencing co-regulation with a trusted caregiver  - and genetics can play a huge part in neuro-different presentations. 
Neurodivergent babies, children, and adults have a much harder time than others in being able to self-regulate, and often take longer to learn these skills. 
The question of whether you might be ND and not know it yet, and also be parenting a potentially ND child, and not know it yet is a huge topic in itself but in the interests of self-care and compassion, it's worth considering you may be finding the job of parenting harder than most, for multiple reasons.

Some people want to dismiss the increased rates of adults being diagnosed with Au/DHD as being a social media trend but many of us who understand what's going on vehemently disagree. 

The number of stars in the sky didn't suddenly increase when we invented the telescope; we just have a lens that lets us see more of them more clearly now. Social media and our interconnectedness has brought about a telescope moment for our society, and this lens is helping us see a whole world of us that hadn't been seen clearly previously.    

Yes, I am a late-diagnosed AuDHD woman and Occupational Therapist and I want to be part of this telescope, and the conversations that power it. Normalising asking the question if you have started to wonder about neurodivergences in your household, and offering a map of the stars if you already know that your brain is wired differently, so you can navigate your world in a much calmer and empowered way.

Occupational Therapy meets you where you are and I'm keen to chat more to raise awareness and offer some guidance around 'what next' for you and yours.

Chat Soon,

It reminds me of the privileges we have to be living in a country that welcomes so many different cultures and sexual and gender identities - not withstanding there's still a lot of progress to be made, and it doesn't always feel guaranteed.

It also shines a light for me on the difficulties of growing up queer in a hetero-normative society, and the parallels with growing up in a neurotypically-normative society, if you're a neurodivergent, neurosparkly unicorn like me. 

I am a neuro-affirming and queer-affirming practitioner. 
That won't change. 
(It'd be a difficult ask being a lesbian ADHDer myself wouldn't it?!)  

The fact of the matter is there's a massive overlap between neurodivergent populations and queer populations, particularly in today's young people. 

I will always be committed to being part of loud conversations that ensure everyone feels seen, validated, and heard.
If you identify differently to the sex you were born into then all that matters to me (or should to anyone else) is who you are now, today, and what we can do to make sure you feel safe enough to get any support you need to live your best life.
 
I won't erase female identifying language in my public work - I think that's a tricky choice and not one that resonates with me personally.
I will, however, never intentionally mis-gender someone and, as with all my therapeutic work, I will always use the language that fits best for you in any of our interactions.

If my habit of being this candid and transparent bothers you then we're probably not a good fit. If it intrigues you then reach out and let's learn something new together!

I am passionate about supporting the transition for women and birthing people who are going through their unique matrescence and parturascence journeys.
It's called me to witness my own and others' through both OT and Birth Photography work for years now.

Is it any wonder? It's bloody hard losing all sense of who you were, whilst juggling the huge demands of learning to be a parent.

It's famously difficult for neurotypical people.

It's unbelievably challenging for those of us with planning, memory, concentration, organisation, sense of time, and sensory processing problems. And if you're late-diagnosed, then most likely a childhood history full of undiagnosed adults and peers in near constant overwhelm around you, and a full bag of your own traumas as a result.
It's no wonder it can feel overwhelming. It's also why I'm so driven to help.

These traumas can be witnessed, and with work, healed.

Our ability to regulate our own nervous systems and learn the things we can do to feel safe in the world can be learnt.

Our inner 'failure' narratives can be challenged and turned around by learning how our unique brains work, and understanding that we live in such a neurotypically-normative society that it's no wonder we don't feel like we measure up.

We need to know ourselves well enough to understand why many day to day things are harder for us.
Why for some of us it becomes much harder after we have children.
The genetic components of Au/DHD that increase the chance that your childhood was harder and your parenting may well be more challenging for you than the people you're comparing yourself to, and the ridiculously ableist standards that our society imposes on us.

I'm excited to be taking my Occupational Therapy service online so I can work with many more people, to have loud conversations about the unrealistic demands on mothers and birthing people, and help you lighten the load with a metric shit tonne of knowledge and strategies and therapies that are designed to help you identify the hurdles, and provide some spring boards to get over them.

If you have any thoughts or suggestions, sing out. It may not be obvious... But I do love a chat 🫠😅😂

Til next time,